Mind Overloaded!

There are no lights in office and the UPS is now drained. Obviously, the work’s come to a standstill. So for the first time, I am listening to songs randomly, without selecting, without even reading the name of the song. Somehow when I listen to a song without explicitly selecting it or knowing the name, I enjoy it. Normally I would just look at the name and flip to the next. Why does this happen? Is it because the unknown fills you with anticipation and you listen to it more carefully or is it simple acceptance of the song that plays? When you have a choice, you keep flicking on ahead thinking that you will find a song that you enjoy more than the current one. Either way, I end up listening hardly to a song or two; neither of which I enjoy fully because while listening to the song, one part of my mind is furiously working to determine what to play next. Instead of enjoying what’s playing currently, it becomes a race to keep finding a better option to play next.

I guess this is what happens in life too.

Instead of fully, completely and unreservedly enjoying and absorbing the present moment, I keep planning the future; something as simple as what I should do after the song is over to what I should do in the evening, what I should cook at night, how long I should continue with this job, what do I do next, what is my goal in life…the list is endless. My mind is constantly restless - planning, thinking, worrying, erasing and restarting. Whew!

Its important to plan agreed, but the planning is not the all-consuming focus. A tentative plan to avoid a spread like an amoeba and then totally giving oneself to the moments that come – that’s what liberates you and lets you be one with every moment. Like now, when I am appreciating the lyrics, the music, every single word of the song that’s playing. I have discovered that some unnoticed songs have the most amazing lyrics. Who knows how many such more discoveries I hit upon?

Do you have the same experience?

First Day after GLT

‘See you, Take care!’, I said aloud to everyone who had got up to bid me good-bye and walked out of GLT escorted by Satyen, Vikrant and Bharat. It did not sink in then that this would be the last time I would be in GLT premises as 35018491. There was this weird feeling in my heart that refused to go away and a lump in my throat. But there were no tears. Just a little mist. In the same dizzy state, I rode home and went to sleep.

In the morning after a sleep disturbed with dreams throughout, I woke up not having to go to office. Surprisingly, it did not feel scary or out of place. I just felt as if the weekend had come early. Plus there was loads to do since mom was unwell and I was officially in-charge of home. In a rush of activity, cooking, cleaing, sleeping (;-)), evening soon arrived. My brain was working itself into a fury with constant thoughts and list of things to do and so on. The thought cycle just wouldn’t stop. Fatigued, I finally sat down and then started thinking what had I exactly done in the entire day. It then hit me that for the first time in years, here was a day when I was not with my team. No one in the entire day had once called out ‘Baks, will you do this?’ or ‘Bakul, just a question?’. You feel as if you are not needed. I mean though I had been busy, its nothing like office work. Housework sure is lonely and I now have a different admiration for homemakers. Its different to work in a team, the feeling that you are in this together, the sense of solidarity, the teasing and troubling, the jargon unique to your team, the ups and downs, the celebrations, and laughing over terms and jokes that no one else can understand for – all this is what I will miss the most. This is what is going to be very difficult to get used to.

Sister Act

This is a story of two sisters - two friends, from their childhood to their college days to their married lives right till the present where both of them are 55 year plus grannies - My mom and my Mavshi :-)

They were a group of 6 girls in college. 6 saree-clad girls always together, one of the typical "girl-gangs" that are such a characteristic of college life. They obviously presented a very attractive sight to all the head-in-the air, young lads in college and were the target of playful teasing and mischievous comments. At the same time, the quiet dignity of the young ladies kept these naughty boys at bay and no one dared misbehave.

They had innocent and fun-filled college days of bunking lectures just to go and play on the swings (an almost unheard way of having fun nowadays). Excitedly but demurely they scanned guys to find the big, brown eyed stranger who had stolen their friend's heart. They were chastised by their mother for the big sin of some stranger daring to ask them out through no fault of their own; since obviously if he asked them, they certainly had done something to attract attention (what would Aji say if she ever saw us girls of today totally checking out guys and rating them on a scale of 1 to 10 :-)). Lungis and Kurtas were the rage during their college days. But these two draped only sarees since Lungis and Kurtas were too "modern" then.

A black and white picture of the two of them perfectly captures the essence of these days - My mother wearing a sleeveless blouse and a lovely saree looking quite the older sister and a perfect comely lady and my Mavshi wearing slacks and a kurta - the quintessential old-fashioned heroine (typical Sadhna or Mumtaz style).

Thus passed their college days. After graduation, both wanted to work. But a girl working in those days, especially in a small village, was quite unthinkable. So while, their friends moved on pursue BEd, these two returned home and were married. Mavshi did work after marriage but not quite what she wanted to and Mom took the full-time job of bringing up 4 daughters (3 of us + Elsa, our dog :-))

I could never imagine them as the pig-tailed, giggly, young gals full of spirits and bright hopes of their future. Since the time I have seen them, they have been busy with in-laws, kids, relatives. But seeing them together for the past few months has made me see them in a totally different light. Both of them are still so innocent and childlike but at the same time have the strength of 10 men (needs to be awakened at times for mom :-)). They are still curious, still enthusiastic about everything around and keep molding themselves into the casts of the new generation. One is enthusiastic, a born convincer, ever weaving everyone around in her charming web and making them willingly dance to her tune while the other is a dreamer - shy, extremely loyal and possessive and completely guileless and gullible. Both are as different as chalk and cheese (not in their appearances J) but still perfectly complement each-other.

They have been with each other through thick and thin. There are no secrets between the two; there’s only absolute trust. For as long as I have seen them, I have never seen them bicker. This does sound idealistic. Of course there is a difference of opinions but there are no raised voices and no digging up past grievances and throwing them in the face (typical sibling style). When you look at them, you can see just genuine love for each other -the kind of love that can only be there with someone who has grown up with you and knows you through and through. The years have bought them to a new level of understanding where a simple look or a lift of the eyebrow conveys much more than words.

When Mavshi was down with cancer and several places were vociferously being considered for treatment, without any hesitation she declared her wish to stay with her sister. A place where her Tai was around was her secure haven - a place where she completely relaxed. They are so amazingly fine-tuned into each others frequencies. In the hospital Mavshi just had to think about something delectable and without even mentioning it aloud, Mom would send it in the Tiffin. This uncanny telepathy would leave us shaking our heads in disbelief while the two of them would be smiling mysteriously. For the past few months, I have seen Mom hovering over Mavshi protectively like a worried mother over her newborn child and Mavshi, in turn, totally laying her worries to rest, trusting her sister to take care of her. A very touching picture!

There is no trying to correct, no trying to change; Just acceptance - absolute and complete acceptance. Both have been each others pillars of strength. They feel each others pain and rejoice in each other. So at ease and so at peace - touch wood. But that’s what it takes - unconditional love and acceptance of everything that comes in the package called "You" - to create this wonderful bond.

And I begin..

Its my first post!! :-)

I am not sure of what to write. But instead of just thinking and day-dreaming and letting my constant thoughts drain my energy, I thought it would be better to express them. Maybe others feel the same way or it may interest a few. 

Wish me luck and do keep visiting my blog.